Happy birthday to me

[xp_roulette]

Home. I am 19 today.

And I have only a few words.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow son of a bitch OW OW.

Last year I got a bald Australian for my birthday, this year I get a bruise on my abdomen. I shall name him Wally. He smiles a little when I bend over.

Comments

[x-emplate.livejournal.com]

Happy birthday. I would applaud, but I cannot seem to entirely raise my arms at the moment.

You know, this begs the question of what precisely your birthday has against my bodily integrity, and, more generally, why October includes a mandatory beating. Ah well. This year's transformation is somewhat less attractive than the last, but at least the recent thumping was administered by someone not employed by the school. Which I believe is actually a first.

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

Hey, in my defense, we didn't even know each other the first go-round.

And congrats on that, you are moving up in the world. Some of the birthday elves brought me muffins. Have some. You do have enough mobility in your arms to put hand to mouth, right? If not, I'm sure you can make someone feed you.

[x-emplate.livejournal.com]

Indeed, I remain master of all situations which require only the bending of my elbows. As charming an image as having food pressed to my lips by oblidging young ladies presents, given my current anatomy the practice would be somewhat less than attractive. The lack of actual lips, for example, presenting something of a problem.

(And yes, no worries about Year One. Happily, your initial innocence was more than balanced by the amount of blunt-force trauma you inflicted upon me in Year Two.)

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

This is why it's probably agood idea to start learning how to turn things off. I make my offerings of food out of compassion and considering you all but started chewing on the seats in the jet on the way to South Korea.

And again, in my defense, you kinda deserved it. I don't arbitrarily drop large heavy objects on people without a reason. Usually because they are intending damage to my person.

I wonder what would happen if I took pictures of my bruises and sent them to my college friends? "Sorry I can't come party tonight, and Wally says hi"

[x-wasp.livejournal.com]

Just say it's part of your costume!

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

Who the hell am I going as? And episode of cops?

[x-wasp.livejournal.com]

Throw on some fake blood. Seriously, some people's entire costume is just a fake gunshot wound or something.

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

I was kidding, sweet cheeks. Go throw some candy on some people.

[x-wasp.livejournal.com]

Where exactly are you right now?

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

some place comfy. if you throw candy at me I will make you go squish.

[x-wasp.livejournal.com]

Did you sign up for the "Do Not Throw Candy at Me" list on my journal? You have to write it on my journal for it to count!

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

How about I spell it out for you, in mathematical terms?

You + throwing candy + me = You + amoire

therefore. You not throwing candy at me > throwing candy at me because = you remaining unsquished.

[x-wasp.livejournal.com]

You don't really want to squish me!

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

No, I don't. They frown on squishing teammates. However, talk to the Australian. When you provoke, I squish. He has the multiple concussions to prove it.