Lady Luck

Ah, what a guttermind you have. What could possibly be filthily interpreted about bloody great objects thrusting through things at length?

So to speak.

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Plus the fact that it's large and white. Symbol of white male power and whatnot.

Plus, Ahab stabs it with a shafted weapon. OH! Perhaps it's symbolic of latent homosexuality?

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Latent? Well. You know what they say about sailors. There is "the custom of the sea" to consider . . . ah, wait, that's cannibalism, isn't it?

On an unrelated and far more important note, behold: my new hat. The abrupt lack of hair was causing me quite the chill, so Kyle was kind enough to make a donation. Alas, he could not be persuaded to part with the orange, but I think this particular shade of purple is quite fetching. What do you think? Cunning, no?

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....well, at least your hair grows fast.

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It's something in the water here. I could swear I just had a haircut last month, and it's still in my eyes.

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Oh, I don't know, I believe the inevitable hathair is a price I am willing to pay for the continued use of a very fine hat such as this.

See? It even comes with its own little dance.

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Give me a pair of scissors and I can fix that.

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I am already missing an arm and a leg. I don't need to add an ear to the mix.

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Marius? What did I say about laying off the crack?

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I cut my hair all the time, you wuss.

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So *that* explains it.

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Ah, Jen, I am constantly distressed by how little you know me even now that we are one flesh. I have told you countless times that I am a reformed man, clean and free of addiction.

Now merely with added Hat.

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Are you mocking my hair?

Do not mock my hair. You do need sleep. And you would look rather fetching with patterns shaved into your eyebrows.

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Ha ha! I slept... Thursday. So I should be good until sometime mid-day Saturday.

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Right, of course, I forget you do not need chemicals to be a nitwit.

Of course, you will understand when I will walk 10 feet ahead of you when we are in public if you wear the Hat. My presence would detract from the stunningness that is the Hat.

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I am Patient.

Do you prefer lightning bolts or lines?

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Wait, is it Hat Wars time? I always win at Hat Wars. Unless Kyle brings out that strange thing he wears on his brainpan...

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I already have that little tiny scar in my left eyebrow, remember? Let's not try and make them match.

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Am I called to defend your honour, my love? It will be harrowing, as I shall be called to combat the man who contributed to the saving of my life for a questionable cause, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make for you.

And also that shirt.

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It's for Fashion!

I could always just shave a swear word into the back of your head. That will make you very popular at buiness school, no?

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Don't flatter yourself. My hat is vastly superior. Yours lacks the attractive white hatband.

Now, if Jay were still here to contribute the feather, on the other hand . . .

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As entertaining as it would be to see the two of you in a duel over my honor, I believe I have this well in hand, merci, ma belle Australien

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I'm trying my best to be nondescript. I don't have the greatest track record with being the one standing out in a classroom environment.

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You wound me. You know I need no further chemical assistence. The damage has long since been done.

You do speak the truth. Lovely as you are, even your indescribable beauty pales before that of the Hat. One must hope it never comes putting a choice to it; our fragile martrimony might once again find itself in dire straights.

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